I don’t scare that easily.

It’s getting really hard to maintain 2 separate blogs.  I’ve tried to use this one to talk about pregnancy stuff, but I recently became the recipient of my first ever hateful e-mail.  My personal favorite quote?  “Your not the first person to get pregnant, you know.”

Yeah, if you’re going to insult me, at least use the right form of “you’re”.  Asshole.  Instead of surfing blogs & sending nastygrams, why don’t you put your time to better use?  You could take an English class.  Or set yourself on fire.

Otherwise, things are okay in the land of the chubbies.  Our central air is broke, & it’s going to cost $500 to fix it.  And the washing machine quit working this morning.  My back hurts, my allergies are bad, and the dogs are driving me crazy.  But in the grand scheme of things, these are minor annoyances that will pass soon enough.

I started registering for baby gifts on Walmart.com.  They have a great assortment online, but I’m finding that their in-store inventory is kinda sucky.  Since I don’t want local friends & family to pay for shipping, I’m wondering if I should scrap it and go somewhere else?  I don’t know what to do – this whole registry thing is harder than it looks!

Also, does anyone know if Baby Becoming has gone bust?  I’ve been wanting to order a few maternity shirts from them, but it’s said they’re “closed for maintenance” since the middle of April.  It also claims they’re reopening May 10th, but that’s long gone.  I’ve sent 2 e-mails, and never received a reply to either.  AND, I tried calling their toll-free and their regular phone numbers several times, and no one ever answers.  Not a good way to run a business.

Otherwise, all is quiet in maternityland.  The baby is extremely active and my bladder is suffering the consequences; but again, it’s all good.  I met a woman with 7-week-old twin girls yesterday, and she asked if I was getting up to pee during the night.  I said yeah, usually around 1:00 and around 3:30-4:00.  She said, “Oh, it was the same way with me; and that’s exactly when the girls wake up during the night now.  It’s your body’s way of getting ready to get you up when the baby is here.”.  I’d heard that theory before, too (although it would be nice if he slept for more than 2-1/2 hours at a stretch during the night; which I know, ain’t gonna happen).

And before I forget – thanks to Ang & Brianna for the heads up on the baby bargains!!  =)  And to Angela and Jen (and everyone else, except the aforementioned asshat) for the words of wisdom.  I love you guys more than you know, and you help me keep my sanity when I’m ready to fall apart.

Now, if I could just convince the people at Cool Whip to start production on that peanut butter line, I’d be all set!

Nesting.

The stork dropped a doozy in my lap today, so things are going to be quiet around here for the next week or so.

Dave is being sent to Texas on another work assignment in just over a week; and he’ll be back in Brazil in early July.  We’ve done NOTHING to prepare for this baby’s arrival, and he’ll be gone for at least five of the next eight weekends.  Dammit.

I know I’m not supposed to climb ladders or expose myself to paint fumes . . . but I’m running out of options.  The baby isn’t going to wait for a more convenient time, and it’s looking more and more like I can’t count on my husband to be here.

I’m tired, and angry, and totally overwhelmed.  Where is this “happy glow” that pregnancy is supposed to bring?  Because all I have are tear-stained cheeks and a growing sense of dread.

I’m sick of fighting his employer.  They all know I’m pregnant, and ask all the time how I’m feeling.  If they really want to know, they shouldn’t be asking my husband.  Because how the f**k is he supposed to know, when they keep sending him away?????

I really, really, really want to enjoy this pregnancy; but I feel like any glimmer of happiness keeps slipping out from under me.  I know I’ll feel better about it when we’re a little more prepared; but so far, it hasn’t exactly been easy.

I’ll be back next week.  With a better outlook, I hope.

The wish list.

I finally broke down & started a wish list of everything we’ll need for the wee one’s arrival.

When you get a minute, will you please click the link above (or click here: Wish List), and let me know if I’ve forgotten anything obvious?

We’re getting ready to start our baby registries, and both Dave & I are feeling totally overwhelmed. There’s just so much stuff to get, and the registry feels (to me) like we’re asking for handouts. I know I need to get past that, and start thinking about all the gifts I’ve given to people through the years.

But it’s hard. I don’t want to ask for anything extravagant, but I feel like all of the more expensive things on the list are saying “you should buy us a big gift, because we deserve it”. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Do other people go through this, too? How do you just suck it up, and bask in the adoration of your family and friends?

I got nothin’.

I can’t think of anything really interesting to write about tonight, so I’m borrowing a meme from the sweet Mrs. Julie, formerly of Lil’ Juliebean.

About Us

Mummy’s Name: Kris.
Mummy’s Age: 35 now, maybe 36 when the wee one arrives.
Daddy’s Name: Dave.
Daddy’s Age: 42.
Are you still together?: Well, he’s in Brazil right now; but yes, we’re married.
How long for?: Six years.

About Your Pregnancy

Is this your first pregnancy?: Most people think so; but in reality, it’s not. I lost one a long, long, long time ago. I didn’t know I was pregnant – my periods were extremely irregular – and I never, ever talk about. No one in my family knows anything about it.
When did you find out you were pregnant?: January 2, 2008.
Was it planned?: It was wanted, but not planned. We were on a babymaking break.
What was your first reaction?: Disbelief. I thought I was going through early menopause.
Who was with you when you found out?: Nobody.
Who was the first person you told?: My husband, then my infertility nurse.
How did your parents react?: They both cried from pure, absolute joy. And shock.
How far along are you?: Just over 23 weeks. 165 days down, 115 to go.
What was your first symptom?: Implantation bleeding. Hence the thoughts of menopause.
What is your due date?: September 11th, 2008.
Do you know the sex of the baby?: Yup – I’m so not a “surprise” person.
If so, what is it?: A boy.
Have you picked out names?: Right now, it’s Mason Joseph; but it may change.
How much weight have you gained?: Now, what kind of question is this????? Don’t p*ss of the pregnant lady, people!
Do you have stretch marks?: Yeah, but some of them were there before.
Have you felt the baby move?: Yup. He’s pretty active in there.
Have you heard the heartbeat?: Many, many, many times (and I never get sick of it).

About the birth

Will you keep the baby?: As opposed to what? Of course we’ll keep him!!!
Home or hospital birth?: Hospital.
Natural or medicated birth?: Natural as long as possible, but I’m open to narcotics or an epidural/spinal.
Who will be in the delivery room with you?: My husband and hopefully The Gynie God and a couple nurses.
Will you breastfeed?: If my boobs cooperate!
Do you think you’ll need a c-section?: I hope not.
Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time?: Undoubtedly.
What’s the first thing you might say to him/her?: I don’t know yet. It’s such a magic moment, and something that will probably remain private.
Would you let someone videotape the birth?: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND?????
Are you excited about the birth, or scared?: More excited than scared, but that will probably change as my due date gets closer.

The name game.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I had a feeling I was carrying a boy.  As fate would have it, my maternal instincts were right on.

We decided pretty early on that we really liked the name Mason for a boy.  It’s nice and strong, and goes well with our last name.  However, I’m starting to falter.

While out hitting a barrage of rummage sales this morning, I met not one, not two, but THREE other little boys named Mason.  All in strollers.  And all in diapers.  Dammit.

My second favorite boys’ name?  Carson.  Unfortunately, my husband hates it.

Crap.  I guess it’s back to the social security website for another look.

Eyes on the Prize.

Why is it, whenever I tell people I’m pregnant, their eyes immediately glance downward to my stomach?

And I’m sure they’re thinking, “Wow!  And I thought you were just fat!”.

Pregnancy.  It ain’t for sissies.

Whatever.

God help me, I hate Angelina Jolie.

It’s confirmed that she & “partner” Brad Pitt are expecting twins.

These will be #5 and #6 for their happy little family. Yet they’re not married or even engaged.

Around here, we call that white trash.

And then she has the audacity to say, and I quote, “Unlike most women, I love being pregnant.”. What a self-righteous, spoiled little brat. Has she ever even spoken to another pregnant woman????? Because the ones who run in my minuscule circle all cherish their pregnancies.

Angelina Jolie is living proof that money and charity can’t buy you class.

***Edited 05/15/08
MSNBC has changed their quote to her saying, “Like most women” instead of the original “Unlike most women”. However, People.com still has the original quote up.

And if they change theirs, too, I took a screen shot of the article. You can read it for yourself by clicking on it here:  People Jolie’s Screen Shot.

Belly Jealousy.

I have a confession to make.  I’m almost 23 weeks pregnant, and I’m still wearing my regular clothes.

Does this mean my non-maternity wardrobe was too baggy?  I know I’m carrying pretty low, but I still don’t think I look pregnant.  And I’m insanely jealous of those of you who do.

I feel like I have to keep announcing, “I’m pregnant”, because no one can tell by looking at me.  I know my belly is getting a tiny bit bigger; but it sucks to have waited this long to wear maternity clothes, and not need them.

I shouldn’t complain, I know.  I’m saving a fortune by not having to buy another wardrobe …… but still.  I’m sick of wearing track pants & a baggy t-shirt every day.

Oh, well.  At least I have a “reason” to ask to sit at a table now (instead of a booth).  I just say that I’m pregnant & the booths sit too low for me.  HA!!  It’s better than facing the reality of “I’m too fat and can’t stand having the table cut into my gut”.

I’ll stop complaining now.  But only because I’m going to bed!  )

Trendy?

So, I’m noticing some strange trends in the baby world.

When did baby monitors become “essential”? We live in a really small house, and I’m hesitant to spend the money on something we may never use. Dave wants it for when he’s in the garage & the baby is in the house, which irritates the snot out of me. As if he could hear a freaking freight train when he’s got power tools running in the damn garage, much less a baby monitor. Sometimes, I swear that man just does not get it.

Also, what’s the deal with cribs that convert into toddler beds, then into full-size headboards? At a jacked up price of $600-$700, by the time you buy the mattress and extra rails. I remember putting stickers all over my crib & wreaking all kinds of havoc with it. Aren’t we better off to buy an inexpensive crib now, and invest in a decent headboard & mattress when the kid won’t trash it?

And while I’m talking about cribs, I HATE CRIB SLATS!!!!! Who designs these things, anyway????? Some of them are just begging for a wee one to get their chubby little arms or legs stuck between the boards. And now, I heard on the news that you’re not supposed to use crib bumpers because they can come undone & suffocate your baby. So, what are you supposed to put in there to prevent them from whacking their heads or getting stuck in the slats????? ACK!!! All these little things are enough to drive me crazy!

And the other thing I don’t understand? A bouncer with a remote control. Seriously???? Are we so freaking lazy that we can’t get our *sses off the couch to turn the baby’s bouncy seat on and off?

And minky dot blankets? Blech. I don’t want my kid swaddled in lumpy bumpy chenille. They remind me of when I had chicken pox. Twice.

And dear God in heaven, do people really spend $249.99 on bedding for their baby? As in, the same baby who’s going to puke in it and have leaky diaper accidents in it and poop explosions in it? I don’t spend that much on my bedding, and we have a king size bed with luxury thread counts!!!!!

Does parenthood make people lose any semblance of common sense?  The baby catalogs seem to think so.

Then again, I’m no better.  I love this tricycle.

But I’m reasonable enough to know that paying $229.99 for something my child will use for a year is CRAZY.

It took us over 6 years to get here, but I’m beginning to wonder if getting pregnant was the easy part!

Happy Mother’s Day

I hate Mother’s Day. I always have, and I’m afraid that I always will.

Even though I’m pregnant, I can’t forget all of the rotten Mother’s Days of years gone by. Spending the day in bed or on the couch, barely able to breathe because of all the sadness weighing heavily in my chest.

And I don’t feel any different this year. Don’t get me wrong – I’m very blessed to be having this baby, and I never, ever forget it. But I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, terrified that this pregnancy is going to somehow end in disaster. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to relax and enjoy the time I have left, carrying this little one around. I wish I could see into the future, to know that everything will be fine; and to quiet the worried voices in my head.

Maybe today was just a bad day. My husband forgot to get me a card, or do anything to even acknowledge the day. For years, I’ve gone out of my way to buy him a card from the dogs & do a little something special on Father’s Day; and I can’t believe that he forgot me on this, my first “official” Mother’s Day. But he did.

And I had a huge blowout with my mother (you can read about it here, if you haven’t already). I’m so tired of dealing with her every day, watching her pop antidepressants and pain pills, just to get through the day. I take her everywhere she needs to go, and rarely ask for anything in return. But in the last week, she’s managed to ruin our (now non-existent) baby shower AND keep my niece away from me, so she could have her all to herself. My mother is like a poison, and I need to get her out of my system.

I’m ready to throw in the towel, and move away from here. We don’t really have any friends in the area, and I can feel the distance growing between me and my family. They never call unless they need something, and I’ve always been happy to help. But something has changed. It’s finally my turn to be happy, and they’re all busy doing “something else”. No one ever calls me to say hi, or see how things are going, or ask about the baby.

In any case, Happy Mother’s Day to all of the women of the world. If you’re still waiting for your baby to find you, I know what you’re going through, and I hope s/he finds you soon.